You know those days where your body starts catching up with your mind? I know them all too well. I am a perfectionist, I have a compulsive need to make sure everyone around me is taken care of all the time. I am guilty of trying to do it all, and trying to carry the world on my shoulders until I start to crumble.
I have a five month old that has been waking 5-10 times per night after his bout with bronchilitis, and just before that we were down to one feeding around 4am each night. Now he wakes and cries and cries and cries, I just place him back in his crib and lie back down, but does he stop? No, he will keep crying until he is picked up, usually daddy gives in and gets him. Then he is even more upset that we let him cry and screams louder and louder. In this instance it benefits Sophie that she has hearing loss otherwise she would never sleep. Then daddy is tired and frustrated the next morning because he could not sleep. Then there are those night’s where Tristan sleeps and Sophie is up coughing and throwing up because this persistent cough is just too much for her. Then the baby is up and we have two screaming babies at 3am. UUUGGH!!! I just want to scream!
Then we have our two teens who have become expert smartasses and Gabriel who is starting the hormone change into puberty. Gabriel now has an attitude and a half “ALL THE TIME”. So all I hear is fighting, constant fighting! It drives me crazy…seriously, I don’t know how I am still sane.
I’m just real, I love my life but it’s exhausting! I would love to just sit in a room in silence, a room full of fluffy pillows where I can feel like I’m floating while I let all this stress flow out of me. I’m tired of the headaches caused by all my constant worry. I worry about everything…and it’s wearing me down.
I’m upset that we live in Florida, I had my heart set on moving to Ohio. I’m desperately awaiting a response from our bank about modifying our loan. I really need to make some extra $$ on the side, but how, I have no time! Gabriel’s safety patrol trip is $750.00 and he really wants to go, did I mention I have until January to pay it all.
I tried to take a few personal breaks over the weekend but I get so behind on everything, that I feel it’s not worth it. Thank goodness my hubby will clean the house for me!
Oh, did I mention my little star is now in her terrible two’s and she is getting quite good a mastering tantrums. And, I also failed to mention my baby wants to be held ALL the time.
It’s just stress build up. I hold it in until I have a day like today. Where I’m exhausted and grouchy and everything bothers me. But, I’ll get over it at least for a few weeks.
What can I say, it’s just one of those days.