Lately things are tough for me, I don’t try to sugar coat my life or proclaim that it’s perfect. It’s not, sometimes though I wish it was. I try to plan for the future, my mind is going and going like the energizer bunny as I try to figure out how to get things back on track. I like to think that I’m slowly but surely getting “my” life back but the truth is I’m not. My life revolves around my children and that is the truth. As much as I long for a little bit of my old independence that I miss so much I have to accept it’s just not in the cards for me yet.
My whole day is consumed with the usual mommy stuff like laundry, cleaning (which I don’t have time for), feeding and changing a baby and a toddler, school runs etc…plus the therapy sessions and doctor’s appointments. It’s very draining, and it’s becoming tiring. I miss working out of the house, I miss the social interaction and brain stimulation, I miss having a conversation without being interrupted. It’s so hard because I am so social and I’m stuck in a house all day long, everyday, and to make matters worse I can’t manage to get anything done.. Don’t get me wrong I do not regret my decision to stay home to care for my special girl, I know she has made it this far because of that decision. It’s the trying to regain some freedom and financial stability that has become so challenging.
So now the time has come to take a step back and really look at my life and try to figure out what the next step will be, how will I make it happen. My house is in short sale contract which means if all goes well it could be sold in a matter of 2-4 months. The question is what are we going to do? Sophie will be three in six months, she will no longer qualify for early intervention. Florida is cutting services like there’s no tomorrow, the med-waiver program that is really the only option here has a minimum of five years waiting list and I cannot even get her on the list until she turns three. We just had a cousin with Autism finally get approved for it after waiting nine years. What will I do? That is the big question.
After losing pretty much everything here I am ready for a change. A big change, I am ready to leave Florida behind in search of new endeavors. A chance at better services to continue giving Sophie the tools she needs to continue our journey. A change of pace for all of us, the opportunity to forge new friendships and embark on new adventures. A healing of sorts for a marriage still trying to heal from so much choas. I am ready, my children are ready to embark on this new adventure I foresee in my future.