How I always wanted to be close to my sisters. Being raised by my grandparents did not help the situation. My brother and I managed to stay close but I think that’s because we are a lot alike. My youngest sister is from my mother’s second partner, she is 7 yrs younger than me. We are nothing alike. I have tried on many occasions to forge a relationship with her and I even allowed her to move in with me a few years ago but it is impossible. According to her I am a “goody-goody”.
We have a lot of history but I try to look past it and move forward. My sister has a beautiful little girl. When she was pregnant with her daughter well into her second trimester she wanted to terminate her and I did not let her. When her daughter was born she made it very clear she did not want her. I gave her a shower and bought her all her baby items including diapers and formula. I even offered to adopt her and she refused. The father is not involved and really does not care. As the years passed my sister changed for the worst. She is now an addict.
I have over the past year offered to take her daughter on many occasions. If not for my mother my niece would never have been fed or bathed and let’s not even get started on attending school. The problem is my mother is mentally and emotionally unstable. DCF (Department of Children and Families) have been involved for many years now. I recently got a call from her case worker asking if I was willing to take my niece to which I responded, “absolutely”! He told me he would be stopping by to chat more but never did. I tried to call him and left several messages, he did not have the decency to return my calls.
I find out today that my niece was placed with someone else, not family. My heart broke when my mother confirmed that my sister made it very clear she did not want her with me. She said because she did not want her child to see me as her mother. How horribly sad! After crying for over an hour my husband told me I needed to move on. I have been trying for a long time now but ultimately she has all the say, I am no one. It does not matter that she has never cared of felt love for her child leaving her for days on end, not feeding her or providing for her. Just because she gave birth to her. What a flawed system we have. So it’s ok to neglect your child and you still have the right to decided where she goes. What a great message right? Ridiculous! What do we have DCF for if they cannot do what’s best for the child?!
Having a child does not make a woman a mother. A mother keeps her child safe, feeds them, provides a nurturing environment and love. My sister has never done any of that and everyone around her can attest to it. But the state feels she is fit to make decisions about what will be best for her child just because she is the birth mother. My sister knew that her daughter would be happy with us, my niece told her mother she wanted to come live with me and that’s when she started to hate me more. I tried to reason with her and she told me she knew with me she would have a normal fulfilling life. I told her I knew in the end DCF would take her would she not prefer to know she is with family and her response was that I already have children and this was her child. A child is not a possession!
I am not a straight arrow, I have made my share of mistakes but I have learned from them and made better decisions. I chose to live a healthy life. I chose to dedicate my life to my children. I chose to distance myself from negativity.
My heart hurts, I love that child and I wanted her to be a part of my family. My sister will live to regret this one day. I will pray for strength because I don’t think I can ever forgive her for this. I pray for health for my niece that God guide her in her life. And the DCF is a completely F***ED up system. Oh that’s right, they can only intervene after something really bad has happened. What a joke…I wonder what they are getting paid for because obviously no one is doing any work to protect children.
Sister’s only by blood. She is NOT my sister, I don’t ever want to see her again.