Your always the victim

It’s amazing how some people  have to always be the victim, that they have to try to manipulate everyone around them for their own agenda. I have legal guardianship of my niece who is seven and I am now raising as my own child. She was about to be removed from my sisters custody permanently had I not stepped in and took her. To get my sister to agree was not easy you see my sister thinks that just because she gave birth to my niece she is her property. She did not want me to have her daughter because she was afraid she would look at me as a mother (this is what my sister told me) and according to her I already have my own children. So we had come to an agreement that I would take my niece for two years while she got clean and got on her feet. I allowed my sister to stay over on the weekends and tried to help  her have a more nurturing relationship for my niece. It worked for about two weeks and then she stopped coming around and stopped calling. She stood me up several times when we were supposed to go together to get documentation I needed for my niece and went right back to her old self getting high on pills and back to her disappearing acts. My mother who is also an addict always tried to cover for her but I don’t fall for their tricks.

After we arrived in our new home in NC I went ahead and allowed my sister to talk to her daughter because I was hopeful she saw the light knowing her daughter was not just around the corner anymore. Than I saw my niece’s behaviour changing and my sister was calling her while being stoned and making her upset. Then the calls stopped almost two weeks before I went back to FL for the final custody hearing. She never showed to the hearing nor did she follow through with the promises she had made to her daughter that I would return with some birthday gifts for her. Such a sad situation…

So I decided it was in my nieces best interest to sever all communication with her mother and the judge gave me custody with no revocation date. After starting therapy I received validation from the therapist I had made the correct decision. My niece has ALOT to overcome, you cannot even begin got imagine what this child has endured. The neglect, the abuse and starvation. It’s horrifying to me that this person that did this is related to me. It’s heartbreaking for me because I don’t want to have anything to do with my sister.

But as always she has to be the victim. It’s not her daughter the child she gave life to that she never even wanted to be born. Her child the one she neglected and practically destroyed. According to my sister she is the victim because she just cannot understand why I won’t let her talk to her daughter. According to her she was a good mother, really?? Maybe she should ask the state who is charging her with child neglect what kind of mother she was. Now I am the bad one because according to what she is telling all of our family “I took her child away from her”. I get it, she needs someone to blame and as long as she can blame me in her head she becomes the victim. So now I’m getting threats that she is going to take her from me. So what do I say? Go right ahead and try. My niece will stay in my custody unless a court decides otherwise, so bring it on!

It’s so sad to say but she is exactly like my mother. My mother was never a mother, I don’t think she ever knew how to be. I wonder if she ever had a maternal instinct and I doubt my sister does either. My mother is a major manipulator to get what she wants and sadly my sister has followed in her footsteps. My mother is a failure as a mother and so is my sister. I wish she would change but I honestly think she is too far gone into the drug world for that.

Becoming a mother is an amazing experience but it is also life changing. Your child or children must become your priority and not everyone has the ability to do that. It’s such an epidemic today so many young women having children and neglecting these children. Children having children is a recipe for disaster and I have noticed that even alot of the twenty year olds of today have alot of growing up to do.

In my eyes the only victim was my niece and I say was because she is now a survivor.

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4 thoughts on “Your always the victim

  1. Janet

    You are a strong and amazing mother Charity. Hang in there and keep doing what you are doing. It is very nice and admirable of you to step in to raise your neice, after all that is what family is for. No matter what your sister or anyone else says, you are doing the RIGHT THING and your neice will see it and eventually you will see the fruits of your labors. Through you and God your neice with grow and thrive under your gaurdianship and will be much better off.

    Reply

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