I miss…

Over the last few years I have given up many luxuries that I was once able to indulge in. I tried to convince myself I would not miss them because some of them are materialistic things but the truth is I was trying to feed myself a lie. I have tried to not look back at what my life was like but the memories still linger.

I miss sleep. Oh how I miss sleep. I worked 3 to midnight for about eight years, my husband worked days so we would switch off and never had to leave our children in daycare. Over time I became unable to sleep when I got home after midnight, it would take me several hours before I was tired and able to fall asleep. It became the norm to sleep only 3-4 hours a night and I seemed to be fine until I started to work days full-time about six years ago. That’s when all those years I did not sleep really started to affect me, I was exhausted by the time I got home and was usually out a little after 9pm. Then Sophie was born and well there went my sleep once again. Now that Sophie is older she is a pretty good sleeper but Tristan, oh dear Lord, that child is the worst sleeper! He wakes up screaming every night and I mean every night. I love him to death but I need sleep I’m not getting any younger over here!

Mani’s and Pedi’s. When I worked I treated myself to getting a pedicure every three weeks and the gel acrylic over my nails. I would go on my lunch hour and really enjoyed it. It was the one thing I did for myself that always made me feet so classy and beautiful. Knowing my nails were long and shiny just gave me more confidence. You can see alot about a person in their hands and feet. If my hands and feet could talk they would tell you I feel not so pretty anymore, that I feel beat up thanks to life and they are begging for some pampering.

Shoes and clothes. Yes I miss shoes and clothes. I know it makes me sound vain but I have always loved shopping, what woman doesn’t? I miss shopping (I didn’t only shop for me!), walking by and you see that pair of heels that calls out to you and then your mind floods with the possibilities with all the combinations you could possibly put together with them or the impending date night and how amazing you would look in them. And dressing in something other than pajamas, jeans and t-shirts. I miss wearing sexy, classy outfits. After Sophie’s birth I gained alot of weight (which I have never lost), even my feet became wider. The 60+ pairs of shoes and closet full of clothes that no longer fit me was just staring back at me and made me crazy. The fact that I went a little crazy after Sophie’s diagnosis didn’t help either so I got rid of it all. I told myself I needed to move forward, that it was not me anymore that I was a different person but the truth is every time I look in the mirror that’s the person I expect to see. The nicely dressed, cute shoes and confident girl I used to be.

Going out. I know I can live without it and I really can but I still miss it. The movie’s, restaurants and date night’s I miss them all so much. Living within my means does not leave room for any of those things and providing for my family is more important but I still miss it. The double dates with friends, dinner and dancing! I really had it good and now that I look back I realize I did not appreciate it enough. Sometimes even with all the hard work in the world “Life just Happens”.

Working. Dare I say it, I do I miss working so much. I loved my job, my BFF Glenna must think I’m crazy saying it as she thought my job was just too stressful but I was really good at it and she’s always reminding me of it (we worked together). I work well under stress, well duh, I have seven kids! Sometimes we take life for granted not thinking about what life would be like without those gifts or luxuries we have. I miss the adult interaction and having something I knew I was really good at. I was lucky to work for a company that was fair and always took the time to let me know how much they appreciated my dedication to my job and opened the doors for me to succeed in my career.

Vacations. Oh how I miss taking vacations….as children my husband and I missed out on alot of luxuries in life so we made it a routine to reward our hard work with vacations. Sometimes it was a weekend to Disney when the older kids were younger and as we accomplished our goals the vacations got better. We were lucky enough to visit Dominican Republic three times, my husband is from there and each time it was amazing.  We had the privilege of  going on the Disney cruise twice, it was the best vacation ever . Those were our big vacations and I am very grateful I had the opportunity to experience them along with all the weekend getaways and family time.

No one knows what journey life has in store for them but I will say from experience that saying “You don’t know what you have until you lose it” well it’s so true!

I’m grateful for everything in my life. I made the choice to give it all up because I chose my daughter’s life over it all and I know with every passing day I made the right decision but I still miss it.

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4 thoughts on “I miss…

  1. AnnMarie

    You are soooo not alone! I miss every single one of what you mentioned. Someday I’ll see the fruits of living without all of these but right now, I am with you!

    Reply

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