I am who I am, a Cancer.

Cancer sign

With so much going on in my life now and what I have had to overcome I often find myself searching within myself for the answers of why I am so connected to everything, why i cannot just disconnect from situations. I have always been a believer of the natural energies in our world, how we are all created and linked through this energy. This great universe cannot be so black and white, right?

So I decided I would do a little more investigating into my zodiac sign of Cancer and charted my birth in hopes to find some answers for myself.  I was amazed at the results.

My charted birth states…

~Extremely active by nature, you like to get around, meet people and do different things. Very restless, you just can’t seem to stay put. You need to be involved in several projects at once in order to keep your mind stimulated. You like to read books and to write letters and to talk — constantly. Seemingly ageless, you will always appear to be much younger than you really are. Very adaptable and inquisitive, you are always open to new ideas and experiences. A “jack-of-all-trades”, you are lively and versatile. 

Those who know me will agree I’m always on the go and I am very restless. I overextend myself all the time and forget I am only one person. I love to read but I’m much more into blogs than books right now. I love to write and I can talk, alot, I’m a talker! People are shocked when I tell them I’m 33 most think I’m still in my early twenties because of my personality but I have also been told by many that I am an old soul. I do believe I am very adaptable and have been blessed with the ability to fall into many things successfully.

~Very emotional and sensitive, you have an intuitive understanding of the “vibes” around you. You tend to be quite generous, giving, loving and caring, you long for emotional support, love and security and feel lost without it. If they are not met, you tend to withdraw into yourself and become very insecure and selfish. Your home and family represent security for you and thus assume a larger-than-life importance. Very sentimental, you have vivid and long enduring memories of the past. No matter how well-adjusted you are, you will always need a secret quiet place of your own in order to feel at peace. Feeding others can give you great pleasure you would enjoy being part of a large family. 

Ok…1000% TRUE! Emotional does not begin to describe me, I can’t even watch the news unless I want to end up in tears. I do love to help others and I am also very needy in the emotional part of my life, since I am often without attention this explains why I withdraw into myself and where my insecurities come in to play. Selfish, well I think maybe I am starting to want more time and support for myself so maybe, just maybe I am starting to see that. My family is  my all which is probably why I am having such a hard time finding myself.

~You are serious and very uncomfortable in those situations where spontaneous and exuberant emotional reactions seem called for. An achiever, you prefer doing practical, worthwhile things that produce tangible results. You need role models to respect, love and emulate. You tend to feel that you’re a failure unless you get an important and highly respected position in life. Don’t be so hard on yourself! For you, practical needs always win out over emotional considerations. Remember that you too have the right to comfort, security and love. Dutiful and patient, when you make an emotional commitment, you sign on for the long haul — your love is long enduring. 

Yes, yes, yes and yes! I have to agree.

~You are usually quite convinced that your own ideas are correct and you enjoy persuading others that they are. At times, you are very stubborn and proud of your beliefs and principles, and you get very defensive when they are challenged. You appreciate truth and honesty — you practice it yourself and expect it in others. You have good talent for organizing, directing and planning. You delight in being asked for your advice and counsel. 

OMG! Right on the mark, this is kind of creepy actually but an absolute accurate description. I am stubborn, I admit it and very proud of my belief’s and principles and I don’t like to be challenged. Truth. I am huge on the truth, I am truthful and I expect the same from others. Although as I have learned it’s very rare to get it in return.

~You like to be very close to other people. You need emotional support yourself and are willing to give it to others. You are not interested in casual or superficial relationships — only deep emotional involvements interest you. Your faithful devotion is one of your greatest gifts, but be careful not to become prey to others for your kindness. Learn to stand on your own two feet and demand your own rights once in a while. 

I do love to be around people and at this point in my life I don’t have time nor desire for superficial relationships.  Sadly, because I devote myself to those I assume are friends I have been taken advantage of far too many times, but not anymore. I have begun to take a stand for myself. Don’t confuse my kindness for weakness, in the end it is their loss.  

~You must be proud of all that you do in order to grow and develop. You enjoy being totally honest and above-board and you revel in the admiration and respect you receive from others due to your high- minded, upright way of life. Your life must be orderly and practical and full of known and familiar routines in order for you to feel comfortable with yourself. Doing useful, practical things boosts your self- esteem. You are very critical of yourself (and others), indeed at times quite self-deprecating. Try to relax a bit and allow yourself the freedom to fail once in a while. However, you probably won’t fail very often because you are such a perfectionist. 

~You, and your peer group, demand to confront life at its deepest and most meaningful levels. Very compulsive and obsessive in your approach to everything, you will avoid anything that is casual or superficial, especially when it comes to relationships. You will seek out and explore new methods of healing as well as different ways to deal with deep-seated emotional problems. For your entire generation, this is a time of radical changes in society’s attitude toward marriage and interpersonal relationships. There is a general fear and awe at the power inherent in making emotional or contractual commitments — they will not be entered into lightly. 

~You’re usually quite at ease in leaving leadership roles in the hands of others. You would rather tend to the thousand and one details that need to be accomplished to keep any group going. Although you’re very fussy and high-minded when it comes to choosing your associates, once your loyalty is given you can be trusted with many of the practical aspects of any project that is being undertaken. Usually quite unselfish, you will toil long hours in the service of any worthy cause that demands your attention. 

At this point I am almost speechless. This is me described in words.  Am I just predestined to be this person? Who knows…what I do know is reading this has forced me to take a look at myself and see what I can change in my life to be happier. Several years ago I had a moment of “insanity” and tried to become someone I was not. This brief moment did help  me realize alot and paved the way for me to become the person I am today. Trying to change the person I was to avoid the heart ache life often brings does not work. As much as I try to not care I cannot change that about myself, I care too much. I have made the tough decisions and have left behind many relationships that were just not emotionally and spiritually beneficial for me even though I did not want to. I knew I had too.  

It seems I have always tried to help and please everyone around me with no consideration in how those relationships or actions would affect me. I now know I cannot please every one and not everyone deserves my kindness and devotion, especially those whose agenda only includes benefitting themselves.

I should not have to change who I am to be happy, what I need to change are the people I surround myself with. I need to give myself space, not be so hard on myself and accept that I am doing the best that I can and cannot control the world around me. I need to be more aware.

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