You blessed me with my fifth child almost four years ago, another beautiful and magnificent masterpiece created by you. I anxiously awaited her arrival, I longed to watch her take her first breath and marvel at the beauty I knew she would posses both inside and out. I know children are your most magnificent gift to mankind. I know many of us take them for granted and some even hurt these amazing gifts and it must break your hear to know what we, your children are capable of. But we are not all this way, many of us love the way you intended love to be. Many of us will lay down our lives for those who we love. What stronger love can there be than the love of a mother for her child.
Having known you my whole life I know you are a kind God, a God of Love and Mercy. You are my father, my guiding light in this world that can be shaded by darkness. So when you blessed me with this most precious angelic human being for a daughter, I just could not comprehend what I did to deserve all the pain that would accompany her existence in my life.
For many months I wanted nothing to do with you, I wondered what I had ever done so wrong to deserve so much pain. I yelled at you, alot. I trembled with anger that you would do this to me, to my child. I thought I would never overcome the heart-break of her birth. It was as if you had become a stranger in my life, a distant relative that I was trying to forget. And then my world turned dark without you, your light was dimming more and more each day. I didn’t want to forgive you, I blamed you. I could not belive that my loving father would cause me so much despair.
Then, one day I saw you. You had not given up on me and you guided me back to that place of peace. You helped me see the white light you had given me, a little piece of heaven here on earth. My beautiful Sophie, her innocence and beauty hypnotize me and all those who meet her. I slowly began to see that it was not your fault, you blessed me with this amazing soul to share as my child and companion. You opened my eyes to a new world and the woman I would become, kinder and more humble than I had ever imagined myself to be. I realized this heartache is just a part of life. While you made sure her soul and mine would unite it was nature who played the role in the outcome of her genetic anomalies and sickness. None of us are perfect, imperfections are a part of our existence; I know that now.
Each day I pray to you for the health of my children, of my child. I ask you to stay in my heart, to help me find peace and strength and above all to remember all the love you have for us, your children. Some days Lord I wonder if you tire from hearing me call out to you so much, I know I can be needy and overwhelming. You have blessed me with so many miracles saving my daughter’s life when there seemed to be no hope. But lately I fear my prayers are not being heard.
You see Lord, my Sophie is not healing. Her body is not fighting and I am scared. I know she is only mine temporarily but I am not ready for you to take her yet. You can’t do this to me, not now. You may think I am strong enough to release her to you but I am not. I try to stay positive and hopeful and even though so many voices tell me she will outgrow this sickness and she will become stronger I fear she will not. We are running out of options and I fear what is to come.
Lord, I ask you only for my child’s health. I ask you to heal her body so that she may continue to grow and live a long happy life with us, her family who love her unconditionally. I beg you to free my Sophie from sickness, that you please restore my baby’s body with health so that she may be as strong as her beautiful soul. If this is to be the only grace you may ever bestow upon me I will gladly take it and never bother you again. I am thankful for all of the wonderful blessings you have given me in my life, I am eternally grateful but I must ask this of you.
Your daughter, Charity.