Special Needs Parents

After reading this article  “6 Secrets Special Needs Mom’s know but won’t tell you” it reminded me of how similar us parents of special needs children truly are.

I am a Parent just a simple woman raising seven children trying to succeed in motherhood and life. I am a mother who happens to have a child who has special needs. I am not super woman or even an extraordinary human being, I am just a woman who loves her family.

Being a parent is HARD, period. Being a mother to a child or children with special needs is HARDER! For those who describe motherhood as a magical fairytale, please share your secret with me!

I have come across a few parents of children with special needs who become upset that I say it’s hard or that it’s sometimes sad to cope with the reality of having a child with special needs. These parents swear it has always been easy and they feel no sadness. Good for you, but that has not been the case in my life.

When you have a child with special needs is throws off your whole game, it’s so much easier to lose yourself. You become isolated from your friends and family, loneliness becomes normal. Sadly, we pretend like it does not bother us and that we are OK being alone, but we are not. I long for date nights, adult conversations that are not constantly interrupted and quiet time.

You feel sad often. Even when your happy there is a lingering sadness because no matter how much you love and accept your child a part of you will always mourn the possibilities that could have been. We want the best for all of our children. We want their life to be full of opportunities and we want them to be happy and healthy. When you have a child with special needs some or all of the things we want for our children can be compromised.

You worry more than you ever did before, paranoia takes over and interferes with your ability to let go. You become obsessed with control because you spend so much time coordinating and advocating you cannot stop.

Your afraid to trust or accept help because in your mind no one can care for your child the way you do. While no one can replace you I have learned that there are people who are capable of caring and loving your child almost as much as you do. But, you become afraid to let most people in.

You try to prepare yourself for being out in public but it’s hard every single time. You are able to pick up on the slightest looks and you just know when someone is talking about your child. It makes you frustrated and angry but you always try to be the bigger person and not feed into the ignorance. It’s very hard!

“Oh, she’ll grow out of it”. “Why was she born like this? Was it something you did? ” “Should you be having another baby”. Are not acceptable comments. We ARE easily offended, actually most of us are more sensitive with our child with special needs than our typical children.

Your brain never stops, even in your dreams. Nightmares of scary unmentionables sometimes creep up on you. You dream about all the craziness running through your mind and it’s all jumbled together. You wake up restless and sometimes even crying because the dreams are so powerful that they feel too real. The problem is the feelings are real, just buried in a safe place inside of you, a place you don’t let people into for fear of losing control.

Contrary to society’s stereotype of special needs parents we are not rude, mean or loud. We are just so frustrated with all the negativity we deal with it makes us naturally defensive. We want the same for our children that any other parent wants for their children. We want opportunities for our children to thrive and acceptance without having to always fight for it.

We are the voices for our children, we will do whatever it takes to make sure our children succeed.

Here are the 6 secrets from the article.  Can you relate to any of them?
1.  Special needs moms are lonely. 
2.  Special needs moms have to work extra hard to preserve their marriages.
3.  Special needs moms are not easily offended.
4.  Special needs moms worry about dying.
5.  Special needs moms are fluent in the transforming body language of touch.
6.  Special needs moms know to savor the gift of a child saying “I love you.”

8 thoughts on “Special Needs Parents

  1. MaDonna

    Great job relating in words what many of us are feeling. I’m right with you…it hasn’t always been easy. Short seasons have been, but not overall. I can only think of the Chinese word right now, “Jia You”…it’s an encouragement to keep going. I’m cheering you on today!

  2. Autism Mom Praying In The Storm

    You are so right. I see my friends with children, who are graduating college, getting married and the list goes on. I know I will never have these but God gave me a different plan, a perfect one. I like the verse from Psalm 56:8
    “You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. ”
    So, while in the storm right now, I try to seek God and his plans. I know my son has made me stronger, less self-centered and I have to seek balance and that can only come from God. Best wishes and thanks for the post!!

  3. Pingback: An Expat Special Needs TCK Parent | raisingTCKs

  4. Tommie

    Your honesty is beautiful. Those parents who swear that special needs parenting is nothing but sunshine and roses are either delusional or liars. It’s hard, it’s lonely, it’s sad. And yes, there are rewards but those rewards don’t always make up for the hard parts, the lonely parts, the sad parts. And it’s okay to say that, to own it. It doesn’t mean we love our children any less. It just means we’re human. Keep writing, Charity, you’re saying what so many are afraid to say for themselves.


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