I can remember a time when all I did was wonder what my life would be like being the mother of a child with special needs.
Being a mother to a child with special needs is just like being a mother to a typical child with the only difference that feelings and emotions are enhanced. I am more aware and grateful, more than I ever thought possible.
I wondered if I was strong enough to do this, I doubted myself. I no longer doubt my strength. I know I am strong enough, I am a child of God who has incredible faith and the Lord gives me strength. It also helps that I have this incredibly strong child, she gives me strength.
I wondered if I could cope with this new reality. I no longer wonder if I could cope, it’s not as hard as I imagined it would be. I still cry but not as often as I once did. There are days that I feel sad and down and feel a little sorry for myself but I get over it. I have to allow myself to feel all emotions so that I may find strength to overcome it.
I wondered how my other children would handle it. I no longer wonder how my other children are handling having a sibling with special needs. Sophie is just one of the kids, they do not see a syndrome or disabilities. They see her, their sister and they love her and accept her for who she is.
I used to wonder what my child would be like, what her capabilities would grow too. It was scary to live with uncertainty about the future of your child.
I don’t wonder anymore. My daughter is beautiful, smart, strong and a willfully determined little girl. It may take her some time to process somethings but she does it and she does it beautifully. I don’t wonder because I know her, I know how far she has come and I know her journey is far from over.
I don’t wonder because I see her live, learn, laugh and play. She is perfect in her own way. She will never be tainted by the malice in today’s society, she will always be happy and only see the good in everything and everyone around her.
I don’t wonder because I don’t have too. My hopes and dreams for her grow everyday. I am no longer scared for either of our futures because from here there are only possibilities.
I don’t wonder anymore because I don’t doubt her. Because I have had the privilege of watching her defy the odds for the last four years and this is only the beginning.