Our journey home.
For the longest time I have felt as if I had lost myself. I wondered if I would ever regain control of myself or my life again. I looked for a way out and thought that if I left it all behind and started over all of my problems would be solved. I was wrong. Running away never solves anything.
We left Florida hoping that the change would bring about a new-found happiness and stability. In the beginning I thought we were on the road to just that. Than the months began to pass and I began to realize all I had given up and all that I had taken for granted. I created a victim within myself to justify the chaos and fear I felt inside.
As time passed I began to realize and accept that my children were not adjusting to the move despite there best efforts. It began to change them, they were sad and irritable and I began to wonder if this had truly been the best choice for my family.
My husband found a great job, Sophie began in home school services and private therapy services. I found a great pediatrician and received the CAP-C medical waiver approval, everything seemed great. After a few months we began to run into complications with the private therapy and CAP-C services. While I knew the specialist were far away I had not realized I would have to wait months to get her in for an appointment. This began to interfere with her medical treatment and forced me to evaluate whether a few extra services were worth it.
My husband was unhappy, he became very short with all of us; he was lonely but didn’t want to hurt me so he would not tell me. Despite our efforts to meet new people and make friends we were unsuccessful. The culture we had become accustomed too left a huge emptiness in our lives. I began to realize how lonely I truly was, I missed my friends and family so much it began to overwhelm me.
After two ER visit’s as a result of anxiety attacks something I have never experienced I began to reevaluate my life. I realized that this was not what I wanted for my family or for myself. I was nervous to tell my husband because it took so much to convince him to move to begin with. But no guts no glory right? So after a few glasses of wine when I was totally relaxed I just told him. I told him that I wanted to move back to Florida. He began to cry and I felt so bad and then he hugged and told me that he also wanted to move back. He never told me he was not happy here; he was willing to sacrifice his happiness for us, for what I thought was right for our family.
This past year has been good for all of us. It has helped us put our lives back in perspective and has motivated us to move forward. We needed to experience this, somewhere in the last few years we lost our dreams. Having only each other in the last year has helped to strengthen our marriage. We needed to be reminded of few important lessons about life.
The two most important lessons we learned are:
1.) No matter where we live our life will be challenging. We have seven children and one of them happens to have special needs, we will always have obstacles to overcome. As long as we are together and have the same goals we will be ok.
2.) Living life without those you love is not living at all. We are too involved with our families and friends. They are part of who we are, an extension of us. We don’t want to live without them.
And so…..we are heading back to our home. Florida.