Several months ago I decided to change my lifestyle and work towards becoming healthier. The first few weeks were great, I lost about eleven pounds and was feeling great. It was hard but I made time to eat more and incorporate more exercise into my daily activities. Everything seemed great until I became obsessed with my looks, again. I would wake up thinking about how much I had lost or how many inches I had lost. It was destroying me once again, it was my husband who made me realize how much I was allowing it to consume me.
I spent half of my life consumed with my looks, convinced that I was ugly and would never be “beautiful”. My obsession with my appearance and the low self-esteem that obsession created consumed me for many years. About a year ago I finally reached a point of acceptance, I learned that not all women are meant to be thin, including me. You can read more here.
After being faced with the risk of high blood pressure and diabetes just a few short months ago I made myself belive I needed to lose weight because I was unhealthy. The truth is I am healthy despite being overweight.
I lost some weight with the changes I made but I have maintained despite not controlling everything I eat every minute. I am active, everyday. I cannot sit still for more than a few minutes and right now there is so much going on in my life, my days are long about 18-20 hours long, I don’t sleep much.
It’s been great hearing family and friends compliment me on how great I look but I have also realized it was not just my weight but my emotional state. I have good days where I feel beautiful and then there are those ugly days where self-consciousness overpowers me even if just for a short time.
The truth is, my life is too busy and complicated for me to obsess about how I look. My husband does not tire of telling me how beautiful I am or how much he loves me even if I don’t want to see it.
In the end staying healthy is always going to be a priority but I won’t allow my obsession with my looks take precedence over that. I look pretty darn good for having delivered six children over the last seventeen years and that is a fact. I am healthy and strong and that is all that matters. I am no longer a teenager, I am a mom and I will never have that pre baby body again and you know what? That’s ok and that’s good enough for me. Beauty comes in many different colors and sizes.