Friendship…feeling not mutual.

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Sometimes being me can be hard, I’m impulsive and extravagantly loving; too loving. When I meet someone I feel a connection to I don’t hold back, I give it my all because that’s the only way to live. Why hold back? The problem is that is my problem! Oh how I wish I didn’t care so much about people.

Take friends for instance they come and go and some can be more of a sisterhood, others…well can be nothing at all. But even the ones that were nothing at all can leave a lasting effect. I’ve written about how I’ve had to free myself from certain relationships in my life recently, some because of betrayal and others because well, life, it just happens sometimes.

The problem for me is that even though those connections are no longer there the memories are and always will be and that can make it hard to move forward. Well, that is if your like me and actually care. Me. I care too much and I’m starting to wish I didn’t. I really think it’s something I need to work on. But, how do you free yourself from memories and how do you just stop caring for someone? I really would like to know how. It’s obviously really easy for some, unless they never cared at all which would make more sense. 

And then there’s that moment when you realize that the relationships were never mutual. You try to extend a kind word just because your soul is calling for it. Life is short and nothing is guaranteed so making peace with yourself and others is important, at least for me it is. What’s wrong with wanting peace and moving forward? Somethings are broken and can never be fixed but when did being a decent human being become a bad thing?

People never cease to amaze me with their words or reactions. Sometimes I feel like being kind and trying to be a good person is not worth it. Or maybe you just cannot be kind to everyone despite what you feel is right. 

Now if I could only see through people to know which friendships are true and mutual so I never have to go through broken glass again. And the best part would be to see clearly who I should not waste my time on. 

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