Gearing up for a fight

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Two weeks ago my brother Luis was diagnosed with cancer, a week later he had surgery to remove the tumor and a testicle. The pathology report confirmed the tumor was in fact malignant. We were hopeful with the news that the tumor was small and the treatment and survival rate were pretty positive not to mention that the urologist seemed optimistic. But scans had to be performed to make sure the cancer had not spread and so CT scans from the groin area up were ordered.

Deep down inside my brother felt that the cancer had most likely spread but I was very hopeful and optimistic. For years my brother has struggled to find a doctor that could provide him with answers. He spent years visiting specialist after specialist, had blood work and scans but time after time he was sent away with no answers. For years his lymph nodes were swollen and yet doctors could not find the cause. Why were his lymph nodes swollen?

It took years later when the pain became unbearable for my brother that he reached his breaking point and once again begin a search for answers. It is so very saddening that it had to come so far.

Today we got the results back from his scans and my heart breaks for him. The cancer has spread to his lymph nodes and some are very worrisome in size. We will not know more until he meets with the oncologist in two days. This is the same oncologist who my brother met with a few years back and this doctor told my brother that there was something going on in his body but whatever it was at the time could not be detected. He told my brother not to stop searching for answers. The urologist did suggest that Luis would need chemotherapy and radiation but until he sees the oncologist we do not know how aggressive the treatments will be.

I am devastated. My heart hurts for him and for me. My brother is such a good person and such a huge part of my life I cannot imagine the heartache he is feeling right now.  I am angry and so sad at the same time. In two days we will know how our lives will change because no matter what I will be there, we will be there every step of the way.

And so we gear up for this fight for my brother’s life. I wonder how much strength I have left inside of me because lately I feel completely drained. I try to be strong for him but it is so hard, I often succeed at holding back my tears only because I know that I am his rock and he needs me but I just want to scream most of the time.

No matter what I will be there by his side EVERY step of the way.

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