I’m starting to think that I am emotionally drained. After weaning myself off of the antidepressants because of side effects that were affecting my physical well-being I began falling back into darkness.
A month ago I was feeling better than I had in a very long time, I was relaxed and full of energy. I felt Happy and at peace, a feeling that had before a rarity in my life. My children could scream and argue around me and it did not faze me. Now, the mere sounds of their yelling trigger rapid heart rate and shortness of breath. My brain will not shut off and I cannot sleep; I find myself wanting to run away and never look back.
Sophie is sick. Again! It was less than a month ago she had onset pneumonia and she just finished her antibiotics and we are back to square one. I find myself unraveling faster than I could keep it together. I’m tired both physically and mentally. This is not the life I had envisioned for myself, this is not the life I want to be living. I can’t catch a break, just as the clouds begin to clear and I can see the light a storm moves in faster than I’m prepared for.
I am emotionally spent. I am unmotivated and tired. I just want quiet, a good nights sleep and someone to care about me for once. I don’t want to be the one who always figures it all out, I want someone else to figure it out for once.
I want to get back to the good place I was at a month ago but I don’t know where to begin. I am the glue that holds my life together. My family cannot function without me, they need direction constantly and it’s draining.
It’s so hard when your path is clear, when you know exactly what you want and what direction you need to move in to get there but you lack the emotional support to help you along the way
Days like today make me wonder what the future holds for me.