Sophie is my little miracle, she is truly my inspiration. Sophie has begun to leave me baffled in so many aspects of her development, it’s awesome!!!! A lot of those milestones we were told she would never reach she has already surpassed, we are so thankful for those amazing moments.
Sophie began to imitate the word “mom” several months ago, it was huge! There was a time when I thought I would never get the opportunity to experience these moments but as I have learned what we think about our lives and God has planned for us can be completely different.
For months when Sophie was asked to say momma she would, it would take the persistent request from me or a single request from Emily her big sister but she would comply. It was awesome to hear her vocalize a word, any word but especially “momma” even though it was prompted.
It was about three days ago, I walked in from a long day away from her and to my surprise Sophie ran to me with her arms up in the air and as soon as I embraced her and picked her up she said “mamma”. IT WAS AMAZING!!!!!!!!
I could not believe that she finally got it, I am “momma”. I could not help but allow the tears to flow, how could I not. These are the moments we live for, those unexpected moments more powerful than any we thought possible and more poweful that we could have ever imagined.
She called me “momma”!!!!
These are the moments God speaks to me, he tells me he loves me and hears all my prayers without saying a word. He knows what my soul longs for to elevate me to that place of inner peace and love and he gives me just that. HE IS AWESOME!!
Some may not understand the power of a single word, a single word can change your soul. A single word can change your faith, a single word can be that miracle you’ve spent your life waiting for. And, if that word and the association of that is against all the odds that were given what is left but a pure miracle.
Something I have never shared about Sophie is that she has Periventricular Leukomalicia. Periventricular Leukomalicia, is a brain injury that affects infants. It’s a condition that involves death of small areas of the brain tissue around fluid filled areas called ventricles. The damage creates holes in the brain, “Leuko” this refers to the brains white matter and “periventricular” refers to the area around the ventricles. PVL in much more common in premature infants than full term infant; since Sophie was born at 37 weeks but was 32 weeks neuroloigically she was considered a preemie at birth. There is still no clue as to why or how this happened to Sophie as I had no physical injuries while she was in utero, they can only suspect that it could be from a traumatic birth.
If I begin to dig deep into Sophie’s journey it becomes to unbearable for me, it helps me realize I am not yet where I truly want to be. Her journey still hurts, more than any pain I have ever endured in this life. It is as present as the day she took her first breath, and through it all I am so grateful for that first breath. But, it is there. That lingering heaviness, that feeling that something is not right.
Sophie’s existence is a miracle, her doctors do not understand how she is still alive. But. she is!
I must keep going, I must continue to move forward. These amazing moments are the ones that help keep me going, the ones that help me move past the fear that can easily over power me. Through it all there is hope and that will never end, how could it.?
She said momma, she ran to me with her arms ready to embrace me; she looked into my eyes and said “momma”, she knew who I was, she wanted me and made sure I knew it. She said it, her first real “mamma”.
Despite ALL the complications, despite the grim diagnosis’ Sophie wants me to know she is there, learning everyday and becoming the person she was meant to be. Only because that is who she was meant to be without the diagnosis’s, the disabilities and the limitations. This was who God intended her to be and that is enough.